My cat wakes me up at 5am every morning. She goes to the bathroom, eats and drinks, and then stares at the door hoping I’ll let her her out, even if it’s super cold and even if for just a minute. I’m in Tucson now, and the weather tonight is gorgeous. Not really cold at all. Barely nippy. I found an awesome place to park, and because of the nice weather and to make sure my cat didn’t get lost, I went out with her. I followed her over the walking path bridge. The breeze and the cumulus sky with the gibbous moon and the hint of fear of being out in a strange place in the middle of the night actually made me feel alive. I’ve felt dead inside for so very long. So uninspired. So disconnected. So disheartened. So angry. So lost. So hopeless. I forgot what actually makes my heart swell.
I’m not cut out to live in the daylight with the asleep at the wheel nine to fivers who are just so sensible. I know we all play a role, and most certainly they keep the wheel spinning and industry alive. And for us ‘unrealistic’ daydreaming artist types, they’re there to lean on or to loan a few bucks when we’re inevitably in need. And, I know that a lot of people out there slaving away at their doldrum jobs know no other way. Honestly, I myself can relate to this, because I’m trusting the universe to catch me as I put myself out there with my art, tarot, and writings. Then, hopefully, in time, these sensible rule followers will be taking our lead once we have it all figured out.
Anyway, being outside in the wee morning, under the almost full moon…alone. Even better, with my cat. This is where I belong. It’s been aeons since my soul sang. I’ve been, at least mentally, trying to fit in with the zombies that walk the daytime. And, I wonder why I’ve been so unbearably miserable. These are not my people. This is not my life. I need to be doing spells or art in my flowing nightgown out under the night sky, communing with the spirits. I need some land, blissfully isolated from this intrusive world. This is what I’m committing to. I’m reclaiming my soul tonight by remembering who I really am. And, who I am is not of this world. I’m going to find some land. I’m setting up an easel. I’m calling in the otherworlds. I’m phoning home.